Fronts and Identity

I have started to notice a pattern of highs and lows throughout the day, in terms of the my feelings towards Ridley. In the mornings - showering, getting dressed  - is the low point in, the sheer effort of doing these ordinary tasks is exhausting  As the day moves on however things start to change. I become more positive as we begin to move around together. I have begun to understand that "together" is a complex term...There are different modes in which I find myself resorting to. The first is the "puppeteer/manipulator", I do everything through Ridley. We are fully attached, my hands are his. There is a sense of unity and real enjoyment from myself and the object infront of me. In this mode we are one front and that is Ridley, he interacts with the world and I guide him there. The second mode is a state of uncertainty, usually not every part of Ridley is attached to myself. The front of us is unclear. Ridley's head is down but his presence is still lingers. People around us acknowledge him and a state of limbo manifests through whether I interact with or without Ridley. The third is one of complete disregard for Ridley. I interact with people as myself, I do things as myself and Ridley becomes that dead weight, only having a physical material presence, which I have written about in the previous blogs. This usually happens at home when I'm trying to get things done as efficiently as possible, which is not always easy. 

The third mode does not happen in public. The performer in me keeps a sense of theatricalisation about the object in front of me: I want to keep it "alive". I have had some great reactions to Ridley also today, some don't really know what to make of it, some amazed, some don't understand and others think it is absurd. All valid, all interesting. The large majority seem to be intrigued by Ridley but see the documentation camera and immediately back away. I feel like Ridley wants interaction and to be excepted, this drive I think coming from my instinct as a social being, him being my creation and me living through him. 

Finishing this entry is a simple yet a fantastic and uplifting event! We managed a walk (with my feet attached to his) across campus from the Jarman building to the Grimmond without falling and only tripping once! From this pont in the day Ridley and I's bond grew and we had some successful filming in the Library and in the University's campus shop.

The rain is testing Ridley's construction but just rolls off the wood, which is a relief but not overly surprising as similar results happen in the shower. At one point his head did fill with water...but a little shake and it was fine. Tomorrow Ridley and I are spending a day indoors at home and with forecasts of snow in a few days...things might start to look a little tricky.